Orbiting After a Relationship — Love Dictionary | Nikos Marinos

Love Dictionary — Cluster V · Words Without a Dictionary Yet

Orbiting

Ghosting · Situationship · Breadcrumbing · Orbiting

Orbiting is what happens after ghosting, sometimes, when the ghost cannot quite relinquish their claim. Or it is what happens between two people who parted without clear resolution, who exist in each other's digital peripheral vision, touching occasionally, distantly, through the safe medium of a double-tap. It is intimacy converted into surveillance; connection converted into observation.

What orbiting reveals is that endings are harder to make than beginnings. Beginning a relationship requires a single moment of courage. Ending one, in the digital present, requires something considerably more sustained: the willingness to actually leave, to remove oneself from the orbit of another person's visibility, to accept that the connection is over and that accepting this means no longer watching from a distance as they continue to live. The orbit is not hope. It is the refusal of finality dressed as something softer.

Vignette Eighteen months after the relationship ended — definitively, mutually, at dinner, with tears and a certain graceful sadness — she still watched his stories. He still watched hers. They had not spoken. They had not met. But twice a week, roughly, she appeared as a view on his account, and he on hers. They were in each other's daily life in miniature, consuming it without comment, each aware the other was watching, neither willing to stop. A mutual haunting. A relationship conducted entirely in the language of digital presence, from which all the actual language had been removed. She could not explain, to herself, why she continued. It did not feel like hope. It felt like a habit she had not yet found a reason to break.

More in Cluster V — Words Without a Dictionary Yet

All Entries — Love Dictionary

Cluster I — Words of Wanting

Cluster II — Words of Rupture

Cluster III — Words of Absence

Cluster IV — Words of Negotiation

Cluster V — Words Without a Dictionary Yet

Cluster VI — Words of Conflict

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Nikos Marinos

Psychodynamic Psychotherapist · Author · Relational Integrity Framework
Paris · www.nikosmarinos.com