Ghosting in Relationships — Love Dictionary | Nikos Marinos

Love Dictionary — Cluster V · Words Without a Dictionary Yet

Ghosting

Ghosting · Situationship · Breadcrumbing · Orbiting

The word is new. The act is not. People have been disappearing from each other since people have had each other to disappear from. What is new is the digital context in which it now occurs: a world in which the evidence of another person's continued existence — their social media presence, their last-seen timestamp, their seen receipt — remains visible while their willingness to communicate with you does not. The ghost is not gone. They are present and absent simultaneously, which may be the cruelest form of disappearance.

Clinically, ghosting is a failure of symbolic honesty — and often, though not always, a failure born from overwhelm rather than malice. Most people who ghost do so because they cannot find the words for an ending, because they fear confrontation, because they have no model for how to say I don't want this to continue. This does not make it kind. It makes it a relational act of omission with consequences that fall entirely on the person who is left.

Vignette She met him on an app. They had four dates. The fourth felt significant — they talked until the restaurant closed and then stood outside in the cold for an hour, not wanting to end it. She texted him the next morning. He read it. He did not respond. He never responded again. She spent three months checking whether he was alive, whether he was posting, whether he had somehow met someone else in the night between the fourth date and the silence. What she found hardest to metabolize was not the ending — endings happen — but the fact that the ending had been granted without her knowledge. She had spent weeks inside a relationship that had already concluded, unbeknownst to her, with no ceremony, no sentence, nothing but the continued visibility of his ghost.

Ghosting says, without saying: Your feelings do not require my management. It is one of the most efficient ways to communicate worthlessness, even when that is not the intention. And it confirms, in the person who is left, something they may have suspected about themselves: that they are too much, or not enough, or simply — most devastatingly of all — easily forgotten.

More in Cluster V — Words Without a Dictionary Yet

All Entries — Love Dictionary

Cluster I — Words of Wanting

Cluster II — Words of Rupture

Cluster III — Words of Absence

Cluster IV — Words of Negotiation

Cluster V — Words Without a Dictionary Yet

Cluster VI — Words of Conflict

The full dictionary — all 19 entries across six clusters — is available as a free download.

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Nikos Marinos

Psychodynamic Psychotherapist · Author · Relational Integrity Framework
Paris · www.nikosmarinos.com