Couples therapy in English, in Paris.

Most couples do not arrive in crisis. They arrive tired.

Tired of having the same conversation in different forms, of a distance neither can quite account for, of a relationship that has become something other than what either of them chose. I offer couples therapy in English in Paris, in the Marais, and online, and also in French and Greek.

Sometimes there has been a rupture: an affair, a loss, a decision that divided the room into before and after. More often the difficulty is harder to name. A slow erosion. A pattern that has set. An intimacy that still exists, but has moved somewhere neither partner can find it.

Who the
client is.

What brings a couple to therapy is rarely only what they name when they arrive. That naming (we don't communicate, we want different things, we've grown apart) is a beginning, not an explanation. The work is to move carefully from the named problem toward what is actually happening: between the two people in the room, and within each of them in the presence of the other.

In couples work my client is the relationship between you, not either one of you. There is a moment, usually in the third or fourth session, when both partners stop talking to each other and turn to look at the therapist, waiting to hear which of them has been right. I will not be deciding that. If you notice yourselves waiting for me to, it is worth saying so: it usually means something important is happening.

My approach is relational and psychodynamic. I do not offer structured communication exercises or behavioural protocols, though I respect that these have their place. I am not a judge, and not an advocate for either person or for the relationship's continuation. The goal of couples work is not necessarily to stay together. It is to understand more honestly what is happening, and what each person needs, which is sometimes the same thing, and sometimes not.

Two languages,
one room.

Many of the couples I see did not grow up in the same country, or the same language. One partner may be living in a second language every day, at work, with the in-laws, sometimes at home, and the other may not see how tiring that is. Each carries a different idea of what a family looks like, how money is spoken about, who calls whose mother.

These differences are not the problem. They become one when they cannot be spoken. A shared language in the room, often English, gives both partners equal footing to say what has gone unsaid. I work with couples of every configuration, including LGBTQ+ couples.

Four meetings
first.

We begin with a short assessment of four meetings rather than an open-ended commitment, because none of us can sensibly agree to a year of anything before we know what we are dealing with.

A first meeting of ninety minutes, all three of us. A meeting of forty-five minutes with each of you separately. A last meeting of ninety minutes, in which I tell you what I understand to be happening between you and what I think would help. A short written formulation follows within the week.

That last meeting may recommend something other than couples therapy: individual work for one or both of you, someone else, or nothing for the moment. These are real outcomes, not failures of the assessment.

If we go on, we meet for ninety minutes, twice a month, at a time held for you. Ninety minutes, because the difficult part of a couples session tends to arrive in the middle, and an hour sends you home at the temperature it raised. Twice a month, because the material of couples work is made at home, not in my room, and you need the interval to live in. After each session I send a short written reflection.

There are three published rates, and you choose yours. Nobody has to ask for a favour.

It is not mediation, and it is not a legal process for negotiating a separation. I do not write reports for court or custody proceedings. It is not an emergency service.

The first
conversation.

The first conversation lasts thirty minutes and is free, in person at 9 rue Saint-Merri or by video. Either partner can write first. I reply within one business day.

I also work individually with people navigating relational difficulty, where one partner wants to begin alone.